"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26

‘Cept in my case it is more like "my flesh and my heart does fail." I am weak and a fool. I can do nothing by myself. Like a sand castle unraveling in the face of the tide so are my actions. And yet the Almighty comes and takes me by the hand and gives me strength. As I look back, everything that I would have claimed as good was not me but rather Him who is at work in me. In my weakness He truly is strong. It’s hard for me to comprehend how the God of all Creation would care so much for one such as myself but He does. It’s awesome and wondrous.

I pray that I’ll continue to trust God to be the strength of my heart. That He’ll give me strength and courage to do His will. To trust that He -does- have a good and perfect plan for my life.

I woke up this morning to the sound of a majestic thunderstorm.

I just laid in my bed listening to the sound of the rain hitting the rooftop. The impact of each raindrop against the surface was a triumphant declaration of its victorious journey to earth. Beautiful.

Periodically the rumbles of thunder could be heard. It was as if the gates of Heaven opened and the trumpets could be heard emanating from within the heavenly halls. Glorious.

I thought to myself how truly blessed I am to be able to enjoy all this. We have been entrusted with such a wondrous gift to take care over. Words cannot truly capture the beauty found within Creation. And if I’m at lost for words with trying to convey my thoughts about Creation, how can I even begin to express how beautiful and marvelous the Creator is? For Creation is but a reflection of the Creator.

More and more I can see His fingerprints in everything. More and more am I lost in His splendor.

Lord, thank you for the many wonders You have created. For the rain that comes and gives life to the earth. For the lightning and thunder that showcase the raw power of Creation. And most of all for the realization that, although marvelous and mighty in themselves, they only point to One who is Greater: You. Amen.

Consistency

First and foremost I need to obtain consistency in habit and schedule. What kills me the most is my irregular and erratic doings. I don’t maintain a schedule at all and it shows as I let things slip through the cracks. So the first step in my transformation is to determine what the few things that are important and establish a consistent adherence to them.

Sleep Schedule - This is perhaps the biggest part of my whole transformation. I seriously do not get enough sleep. I’m constantly operating in a sleep-deprived state and I seem to be forever accumulating a sleep deficit. A deficit that seems to rival that of the national one… Which is not good. It leads to a lack of energy, concentration, willpower, memory failures, and a loss of the ability to articulate thoughts and ideas. It actually leads to a lot of things…

This problem is moreso do to my inability to faithfully hold to a regular sleep cycle. I ignore my body’s cries for sleep and I go to bed far past the point in which I really should. The main reason why I stay up late is that I enjoy talking with people. I long to continue talking and talking… I’m afraid that I’ll have to become more disciplined and continue such conversations later. They’ll still be around the next day. I hope.

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I’ve mentioned it before and I’ll say it again: who I am most certainly hates who I’ve been. I’m constantly at work to become the man that God has intended me to be. He has called me to something much more than what I currently am. I long to live a life worthy of the calling that He’s placed upon me. To bring glory to Him in all that I do.

As Christ Himself modeled, I’m pushing to increase in "wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man." To grow in all aspects of life: mentally, physically, spiritually, and socially.

However, most of the time it seems as if my efforts are all in vain. This is probably because I see so many different areas that need improvement and change in. In trying to address them, I’m stretching myself in every direction at once.

There is great wisdom to be found in focusing on one thing at a time. In dividing my attention in so many areas, I get lost in the insanity of it all. I just get overwhelmed.

In order to help facilitate my push for growth of self, I’ve developed a general guideline that should help focus my attentions in a more structured manner instead of my current mad dash in every direction.

My battle plan against my old self is a four stage one:

1) Consistency - Adherence to a solid set of habits

2) Reduction - Applying lean practices to life

3) Improvement - Attaining a stronger mastery of current skills

4) Expansion - Acquisition of new skills/habits

The plan itself is still being thought over and needs tweaking but the overall idea is sound. I believe. Feel free to poke holes in my thoughts and reasoning as I go through this. I fully appreciate any comments in regards to this.

I’ll go into detail of each phase of this plan and spell out what this will mean practically to me.

At one of our last parties we were playing a game in which you were supposed to imagine a person in a certain scenario and then select an option from a short list that best suited them. One particular round we were selecting for me under the imagining that what I would do if I worked in construction. The majority selected "take charge" or "make some analytical suggestion" but there was one loner. A friend aptly chose "grumble about the work."

Her choice cut deep for it was very apt indeed. Furthermore, today as I trying to mention that I was content with life, I was stopped in my lie. My excessive complaining had bore the truth of my character. I know that this was a problem for me and I am working on correcting it but I had created an image of myself that will not quickly disperse.

A man does not complain about his situation. He does not moan about his misfortunes or about how the future isn’t exactly how he thought it’d be. He does not grumble, he does not mutter, he does not "rawr rawr rawr…" He does not make excuses.

Such a man is weak. His very character is in question. He implies and gives testimony to his inability to cope or deal. Additionally, it suggests his unwillingness to change things and make them better.

How can the vow that I’ll eventually make to my Beloved of her protection and provision be taken sincerely in that case? Or even more practically and to the present, how can I be trusted that I can take care of something if all I’m known for is complaining and grumbling?

If there’s something to complain about, don’t dwell upon the complaint. Instead…either shut up or do something about it! That is how a real man addresses the issue.

The call to do something about my complaints has struck me hard. It is past time to move from a passive state of discontentment to an active pursuit of betterment. There’s much work to be done ahead of me. I’m looking forward to what lies ahead.

He gazed deeply into her perfect eyes. Drowning in the love that radiated from the gateway of her soul, he lost himself.

Finally he knew he had found her. He found his Beloved whom he had intently searched for. A search that had lasted since the beginning of time itself.

His quest for her had met with countless frustrations and failures. The quest had not been an easy one. Filled with sorrow and pain, it left its marks. Only the thought of the Beloved kept him going. For Her, he was willing to wait for eternity.

And now He had found his Eve. Such sweet rapture! At long last Adam will be united with his Beloved. Mere words could not express the ecstasy they shared.

As he gazed into her eyes, he foresaw their future together. Though beset with trials and tribulations, they were but shadows compared to the fullness of joy found in their fellowship.

He couldn’t fathom ever parting. Such a separation would be death! How can that which was destined to be together ever be separated?

And then he woke up.

A Yale student "pretended" to be undergoing an "art project" of an utmost obscene nature: through the use of terminated children. For more details on the story read (not for the faint of heart) on at the Yale Daily News as well as the follow up from Yale’s spokesman stating that she never did such a thing but that it was all part of her "performance." Schvarts - the student in question - is giving contrary statements. So the entire issue of whether she did or did not do such acts is in a rather ambiguous state at the moment.

Regardless of whether she did stoop so low to commit such horrendous acts or whether it was all part of her political statement that she’s trying to make, I do have a bone to pick with the Yale spokesman’s comment that they were trying to assert.

"She is an artist and has the right to express herself through performance art."

So all can be justified through art? Because she is an artist and because she is "expressing herself" it’s all forgiven? Deranged serial murders consider their work to be art. Shall we then just let it be and merely smile saying, "Oh, it’s ok. He’s just expressing himself through art. He is merely showing the beauty of the human body in an artistic fashion. Oh, you don’t agree with it? How close-minded are you! Who are -you- to subject -your- views of morality upon him?"

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To my shame I’ve found that I’ve neglected for many years my most immediate responsibility: my own family. Not that I’ve shunned them or have set myself against them but my relationship with them has been of a more indifferent nature then should be permissible.

In my pursuit of my academic goals, I’ve forsaken the responsibilities of the eldest and haven’t directly involved myself in the affairs of my siblings. I divested myself from familial affairs far too early and easily. When I started college, I rapidly cut off all that borrowed energy from me in an attempt to keep up with the pace I had set myself (ha… and the crazy thing is I’m picking up my pace . I ceased my participation in Royal Rangers, I decreased my studies in Bible Quiz, my personal reading took a hit that has never recovered, and slowly I became the black sheep of my family.

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Earlier this year, I got together with my friends to watch the epic, ancient Anglo-Saxon turned movie Beowulf. I’ve always been a fan of epic conflict, of heroes rising up to defend their honor and surpass immeasurable trials - even to the point of losing their life. The lone man fighting his way back home, marching endlessly through the winter colds, and waging war against all who come between him and his wife and family are stories that stir up passion in every young boy’s heart.

Beowulf though… there was no honor to be found. A prideful womanizer who sought only glory for himself is no hero. Who, due to his own selfish ambitions, brought the death of many of his own companions in his quest for his tale. Nay, despite all his proclamations of greatness, in the end, he was reduced to be but a mere man. Even he himself understood how hollow he was at the end when he asks his queen to remember him “not as a hero, but as a man, fallible and flawed”.

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"We cannot as believers continue to render unto Caesar that which is God’s. My child does is not Caesar’s, my child is God’s. And so I am not going to render my child unto Caesar and if we continue to render our children unto Caesar academically, we need to stop being surprised when they come back home as Romans." Voddie Baucham, Paradigm Shift, Not Program Shift

Voddie Baucham talks about how a paradigm shift, change in our ways of thinking, needs to happen in order for us to raise our children in accordance with God’s will. We, as the body, have neglected in raising our children in the paths of righteousness, we have forsaken our responsibility to train our children in the ways of the Lord.

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