I wish I did have an answer to Life, The Universe, and Everything. And no, the generic response, “42″ just does not cut it.

Life is awesome. Who can really complain about all the wonders that God has done?

But like my Dad tells me, “Life is good if you don’t weaken.” And I’m afraid I’m weakening.

Ever since my return from Japan, my days have been full. Very much so. It reached to the point where I just didn’t sleep for a week or so. Thankfully I’m past that as I just wouldn’t be able to carry on but that doesn’t mean my workload has changed any. In fact life has brought about even more stuff to bring me down. And I feel the tugs pull harder each day.

School has been just an endless stream of work. I love my business classes and I even find my polisci class interesting but the sheer amount of readings and postings is enormous. I just can’t find time for them all. And besides being on campus in class for 8 hours Monday/Wednesday (I am ever so thankful that it is only 2 days a week), each and every class has an online portion in which the amount of work require there more than surpasses any of the dedicated online classes that I took while at BCC. I have some tests coming up soon which I am rather worried about. Worried that I just don’t have the time to put in the effort to properly review and study for them.

And when I’m not at school, I’m at work. I -am- working a full 40 hours a week, 5 days a week. That alone would wear me down after a while but no, I decided to pick up even more responsibilities and try for the assistant deli manager position. The pressure to perform is heavily placed on me. Besides maintaining my prior responsibilities as a clerk, I need to take a step back and ensure that the entire deli is operating according to the high standards emplaced. And there just isn’t the time or manpower available to keep everything running status quo. I don’t think that’ll ever happen to be honest.

Also, there are new employees to train and I’m finding that people just don’t have the same work ethic as myself which I find to be pretty annoying and frustrating. So I have to find ways to encourage people to pick it up a notch and get themselves on board. Which in of itself isn’t that bad. New people need training and for some this is there first job (though… I suspect not so much in this particular case…) but what’s worse is the “old hands” who just fail. Leaving work early, using any and every excuse to leave, not completely the assigned tasks, and just generally being a pain in the posterior. I fear that I need to lay down the proverbial “smackdown.” Which I really hate to do. Drama just sucks. Best to nip it in the bud though apparently it’s been happening since my trip to Japan and I’ve only recently become aware of. For some reason the person in question tries to hide that part from me and doesn’t show his true nature. I wonder why…

And drama in work is not the only place I have to deal with it. Ugh…

A lot of my precious time has been foolishly squandered during my binge of Honor Harrington. Thankfully though I have managed to stop. This period of my life is the busiest I’ve ever had and I truly don’t have “free time.” Merely time that I’m taking away from other vital things so I can foolishly squander it on my favorite pastimes.

There are so many other things but to continue to go on about them would break the heart of me. What a pathetic, weak man I have become.

However! I know that I can carry through this. I just need to pick myself up off the floor and stop feeling sorry for myself. It’s far past time to buckle down and press on through all this. Though… putting it that way makes it sound like it’s all me… which it most definitely is not…

I should make it clear: by myself I would - maybe - be able to get myself back up and carry on for a couple feeble steps but then I’d fall back down again. And I would repeat that cycle of futility until I fell even farther into a dark depression. No, I truly cannot make it through this period of my life all by my lonesome. Only with God will I be able to do so. As Hebrews 6:3 goes, “And God permitting, we will do so.”

And I know that I will be, for this, or at least parts of it, belongs to God’s calling on my life.

» You can leave a comment, or trackback from your own site.